What tendencies do we hope our children will develop?

After interviewing Christian parents and children we discovered that most of us would agree that the following tendencies are among those important for ourselves and our children to develop. The chapters that follow take up each of these topics:

• We want to develop the tendency to be people of strong Christian faith.

• We want to develop all of our God-given abilities and ways of being intelligent.

• We want to develop the emotional intelligence necessary for empathy for those who suffer.

• We want to develop the tendency to recognize and be outraged by injustice in any form. We should become willing to take action against injustice, and we should live with kindness and generosity.

• We want to develop the tendency to be curious about the world around us, to grow intellectually, and to become critical thinkers.

• We want to develop the tendency to be moral and of good character.

• We want to develop the tendency to live with gratitude and happiness.

• We want to be lifelong learners in God’s Creation.

If the teachings of Jesus Christ are to be taken seriously, then caring for others is what matters most. If we truly do love God with all our hearts and love our neighbors as ourselves, our entire lives will be directed toward justice. If we truly do live with gratitude to God for our salvation we will be deeply concerned and unceasingly active about such issues as economic inequality, unequal schooling, and limited or no health care for some. We will work for a just American policy toward other nations and civil rights in a time when the nation is fearful about terror strikes. These are the things our children must learn from us.

But, how do we do this? Is it possible to make children care about the world? Raising children isn’t easy. Sometimes we have no idea what they are thinking. Sometimes we have all we can do to make sure they are safe, fed, and don’t hurt each other too much when they fight.

Parent: I bungled along and things went pretty smoothly until Sarah, the oldest, reached junior high. At that point she was mature enough to rebel in a way that caused me to call my parenting practices into question. I think I tended to follow a modified version of the parenting practices of my own upbringing: parents have complete authority; children are to be obedient without question. Thankfully, Sarah rebelled and I realized that I could not, and should not control my children. I learned to listen, to recognize my children as individuals, to respect their ideas and concerns. My greatest regret in life is that I didn’t learn this sooner. I don’t mean to imply that this was an easy transition, nor that I executed it flawlessly. It is, however, the single greatest contribution that shaped my ideas concerning parenting.

A central part of raising children in the fabric of faithfulness is helping them learn to develop the tendencies that are an important part of that commitment. What is a tendency? A tendency is more than a habit. A tendency is something that one does without thinking. A tendency begins with a commitment that arises from a worldview. The tendency is a response to that commitment, practiced over and over, until it becomes part of one’s self. It is a commitment to a particular action that is practiced so often it becomes as natural as breathing.
Educator Craig Dykstra calls these tendencies “patterns of intentionality”: the habits of heart that characterize the individual’s effort to live so that their walk will match their talk. In parenting, the commitment first is made by the parent and as the action in keeping with that commitment is practiced over and over in the family the commitment with its tendency to action becomes the child’s.

Sometimes we are shocked to see that our children have developed tendencies that disturb us. Where have they learned such tendencies? Tendencies are learned at home, from television and videos, at school, on the playground, and everywhere else. Garber quotes from an op-ed piece, written by a Harvard junior, in The Washington Post.

Meet the Beavis Generation. I have, and it scares me. Sad to say, the ascent of Beavis and Butthead marks the dethroning of Bart Simpson as the king of adolescent rebellion. This is profoundly significant. Bart, for all of his run-ins with Principal Skinner, is as smart as he is tough. Beavis and Butthead boast IQs safely in the two-digit range – a fact that this new generation revels in.

From Families Living in the Fabric of Faithfulness, which may be downloaded free of charge from the following website:
www.whitworth.edu/livinginthefabric